Vielleicht
- nova
- 19 minutes ago
- 4 min read
Strobe lights, sweat, and cigarette smoke
Bzzt, bzzt, bzzt
Synth onslaught, the rhythm is coursing
Through my bloodstream
Striking every cell with
A sweet carelessness
I’m dizzy… ish, swaying
Not exactly sure if it’s
The skull rattling bass
Or maybe the tequila martinis
Thump, thump, thump
I almost mistake it
For your hearbeat
And how it raced under my hands
Dark jeans and a white shirt
Drenched
The aftermath of too many dances
Who gave you the right
To look so damn good
Under flashing lights
Walking back to me with
Another round
“Cheers,”
Your voice has gone
Raspier and darker after
All that smoke.
Oh, you bastard.
I’ve never been any good at that
Inhibition thing
And your voice is
Definitely not helping.
The ink stamp on your wrist
Smudged towards the left
Just a little bit
Your hand around the glass,
I force my eyes up
To keep my thoughts
Contained to decency.
There is a little scar, almost a speck
Near your jawline
Which does things
To my self control.
My fingers drift up and I trace
The sharp line up to your ear
Your eyebrows shoot up,
“What,” I say.
“What,” I shout.
Over the crowd,
The wave around our little
Bubble of tension.
You say nothing,
And let me trace your jaw
And try not to
Turn it into a grab
Grab you and pull you closer
Maybe feel your breath
Mix it with mine
And forget all the reasons why
We ended up in a sea of
Bodies moving in a haze.
I realize you’re expecting
Me to decide
Whether I want to go back
To being the needy brat I was
Mere minutes ago.
Instead, I opt for cheesy
A cheap throw-away line
To salvage the impossibility of this
“You could cut someone with that jaw.”
Wow.
Astonishing level of
Deflect.
Yeah, that’s something I am good at
At least.
The sea moves relentlessly against us
As you pull me deeper into
The sway,
I can’t tell which way is right or left
Up and down
Maybe it’s everywhere at once
But my compass points to your neck
And the vein there, pulsing
To the vibration emanating from
The giant d&b speakers
Thud, thud, thud, thud
In sync with the hands of your watch
Each tick tock moving us forward
Never freezing
Oh how I want to stay in this bubble
Drown in the sweat,
The liquor and your perfume.
Midnight is creeping in, and I don’t like it
I’ve never believed in fairy tales
But tonight I understand
How Cinderella must have felt
Except she never went
To gritty clubs, reeking of bad judgement
Time, just a little more time,
All I need before you disappear
Store me away in a corner of your mind
Lost among the lies and scattered
False hopes you bestow upon those
Poor souls who believe that maybe
You will somehow give them more,
Maybe, maybe, maybe.
Your hands start roaming,
Yanking me back to your lips
Following the goosebumps on my shoulders
Up to my neck, under my ear
“Stop that,” I whine, in your ear
In the exact tone
That I know you love to ignore
You mumble something that is suspiciously like
Asking if I’m sure
I tug on your hair, the strands giving way
“Let the maybe swallow me,” I whimper
At the exact moment
You choose to bite
Down on that sensitive spot
I’d mentioned in passing
Earlier, way back
Sipping our very first
Bad decisions.
Maybe
Kiss
It
Touch
Doesn’t
Hands
Have
Lips
To
Groan
End
Inhale
At
Exhale
“Maybe”.
Thump or thud
I can’t even hear the bass anymore
All I can feel is
Every single cell in my body
Gravitating towards yours
Seeking a resolution
That doesn’t end
In unanswered texts
Circling the unsaid reality
That it never mattered
Or perhaps an absolution
From any future feelings
One of us will never catch.
A bright flash, and suddenly
It’s all out in the open
Frozen with my hand on your jaw
You jerk away in confusion
Or shame, I don’t know
Staring at me with a face
I can’t decipher
Under the glaring lights
“Let’s go,” you tug on my hand
Leading me out
Before the security guards flank us
And assume we are together
Maybe.
The air bites my skin, harsh
I regret not taking a jacket with me
Queen of bad decisions
What else did you expect?
Your eyes look different under the street lights
A little more distant, not quite landing
On me, as if searching for reasons
To keep me around a little longer
And finding none
“Well, that was fun,” I whisper,
No longer the brat shining
With each flash of the strobe lights
Just a regular girl,
Just me.
“Mmhmm,” you nod, “I guess I’ll call you later”
I don’t say anything,
Let the silence make you think
That I believe you.
I don’t.
A small kiss on my temple,
And a half hearted see you,
You turn around and walk away
Your hand goes to the left side of your jaw
Scratching away the awkwardness
I left on your skin
I stand there, watch your silhouette
Saunter away.
The cold weather wrapped
Around me
And all the maybes
You’ve left
On my skin.
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